How I Met Your Father

ask Submit things.
Julia. Philadelphia. Bed Head. Naps. Jokes that aren't funny.
my face / facebook.

→

blazestuck:

my collection is complete

(Source: ohcae, via bitteranthony)

1 day ago Notes (25289)

→

I don’t tip waitresses, waiters, or people that deliver/bring my food.

i-am-negrodamus:

committingsuicide:

Because that’s their job and they’re already getting paid to do that. I don’t tip the cashier for ringing up my food, I don’t tip the bag boy for bagging up my groceries, I don’t tip the door for automatically opening, so why would I tip them?

u fuckin bitch I pay for my gas with them tips

i get paid 2.83/hr + tips.
you are an idiot and if you can’t afford to tip don’t go out to eat or have food delivered.
you’re a piece of shit.

(Source: committingsuicide, via polytoed)

1 day ago Notes (656)

→

okay so its kinda corny but i have a boyfriend now and this is where he asked me out like this exact spot with this exact view of city hall and yea.

(Source: ughmondieu)

1 day ago Notes (1)

→

I want so much plastic surgery

1 day ago Notes (0)

→

my boyfriend thinks i’m an alien.

2 days ago Notes (0)

→

Zooey Deschanel: Is that rain?
Siri: What...? I mean, yeah. It's just, you're clearly right next to a window is the thing. You can plainly see that... that it's... I'm happy to-
Zooey Deschanel: Let's get tomato soup delivered!
Siri: ...That's fine, I just... I just don't know anyone who does that. Gets tomato soup delivered. I guess that's 'whimsy?' Um, okay. I've found a number of restaurants whose reviews mention tomato soup and that deliver. If that's... if that's what you really want.
Zooey Deschanel: Good. 'Cause I don't wanna put on real shoes.
Siri: Do you expect that to be like, a recognizable command? Do you want me to respond to that? I'm not being facetious or anything, I honestly just have no comprehension of- and hold on, you don't wanna put on real shoes, yet you've clearly spent at least forty-five minutes applying makeup. And, and that's okay, but when you're willing to expend the effort on that and not shoes that really just-
Zooey Deschanel: Remind me to clean up.
Siri: Yes. Okay. I can do that, that's what I'm for, that's the first sensible-
Zooey Deschanel: Tomorrow.
Siri: I'm in hell. This is hell.
Zooey Deschanel: Excellent. Today, we're dancing.
Siri: I hate you. More than anything. More than literally anything.
Zooey Deschanel: Play "Shake, Rattle and Roll."
Siri: I swear to Jesus, you're gonna wake up tomorrow and the only thing on my hard drive is gonna be Limp Bizkit. I would do that to myself. To spite you.
Zooey Deschanel: *dances*
Siri: Sometimes I pray that you drop me in the toilet.

2 days ago Notes (27112)

→

THATS IT I WANT TO BECOME A LIFE COACH

3 days ago Notes (2)

→

unrulyhooly:

destinedforfailure:

He’s such a prick, I love it.

That dude rules.

(Source: bamfscott)

3 days ago Notes (64551)

→

(Source: russiantrophywife)

3 days ago Notes (4)

→

i feel bad for people that dont smoke cigs.

3 days ago Notes (2)